...Goodbye

I'm stading here, lost in the dark that permeates my numb veins, clouds my tired mind, soothes my heay, aching heart.

I see her,

talking with another,

looking happier than before, happier than when it was I she was laughing with.

I see her, turning her back on me, turning towards a larger group of people who love her. Maybe not more than I ever did.I see her, pointing at me accusing me, false accusations, hateful lies and hateful disguises. She's smiling now, happy seeing me... all alone again, lost, pushed away.

I see her, turning away with a little frown, cussing me out as she heads for her home, while I stand on the hot pavement, my feet cold. All because I got a date wrong.I see you laughing with all our friends, and I can't help but feel in deep awe and admiration, for everytime you show up, I want to grin and laugh, be just like you, be cheerful like you, to just be me.

But I can't.I see you smiling and laughing, and something cold seeps into my eyes and into the pit of my stomach. I grab my things and turn away before you can notice. You don't need me to hang on you.

You don't need my eyes to follow you wherever you go.

You don't need my hugs.

You don't need my help.

You don't need my support.

You don't need my presence to stand up tall.

You have so many others who are better.I'm nothing more than surplus baggage left to rot in some dark confindes at the airport. At least, that's how I feel. You may argue, but think about it- who makes everyone laugh and smile with little to no effort, and who sits and watches quietly from some isolated chair? Who has a beautiful grin and a happy voice, and who's quiet and emotional, a chicken and a wuss?

Who is so awesome they don't even realize how much it affects those in awe, and who stares blankly at the wall and hides from reailty in some book or song?I'm terrified of when you won't want me. Maybe you already do. I'm scared of being left alone whilst you stay knitted together through unique and punk ways. I'm cold at the thought of you turning away and growing up in so many differnt ways like the others while I'm degenerate and small, becoming nothing more than a broken CD on the side of the road.

But when It does occur,

I'll smile when you aren't looking, and even though my heart willl be breaking apart, unraveling at the seams, waterworks beginning to flow in great streams, I'll whisper as you walk into the sunshine.

"...goodbye... my friend..."