Saturday, May 9, 2009

Like I dreamt....

Dreams...
undiscovered and unexplored lands full of magic and fantasy,
sweet lullaby under the moon,

as we fly in the arms of winged creatures that protect us,
while wrapped into their wings they guide us through the sky,

there are no boundaries as we can touch the stars
and feel the soft clouds in our hands...

Illusion.....

Consumed by light, the world becomes an illusion.

A fragment of a memory of what used to be… a dream.

The creator awaits his creation as Celestial s shift the days, as a continued cycle.

Beings among the lands come and fade away, trapped in their monotonous dreams.

Few, however, escape from the illusion… only to wake in an illusion of their own mind.

For many, this illusion leads to madness, for some freedom.

Which ever path one takes, one can change… for the better… or for the worst…

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

A Love Letter.....





You,

I'm going to try the best I can to make this work....It would either sound like a poem or a story....not sure. But I do know that I really wanted to send this to you....I haven't even given it much thought but i'll do my best.
"Love is what became of me"What am I feeling? What has become of me?When I look at myself, I ponder at so much. Society, the world, feelings, and even my own emotions. Must I think of such? Does the answer come to me, or must I discover it myself? That is one meaning of my life...or many. I walk a path so unknown, not even I understand. Am I writing a story or my feelings? What am I really doing? What is it really about? A story that I have lived from the past till now or pouring out my emotions?
I will tell you soon...in time, this feeling I am having. My story is what connects it. It began, a time when I learned nothing. Nothing of society, nothing of feelings, nothing....not even myself. As time became a faster wheel, I searched. From every corner to understand what is real. As time went by ever so, I came across many people. They soon became friends.
I soon learned more. I soon became what was part of society. But I wanted to become more of that which is reality. Something that no human can understand. I wanted to be something special, something that can difine more about me. I wanted to prove my worth, my honor, my meaning, myself of that which difines me, and my life. A life that once meant something more but now has been treated by those who take it for granted.
Was I searching for something that never existed in the first place? Was it a lost cause? No! In spite of what this world has become, I search on believing in what I want to believe. Life is born in many forms. No person can understand everything in life. I choose to search my way of life. Many have came into that life, but failed to understand it, to accept it, to embrace it....to love it. Life is not about understanding everything about it. It is about understanding your own way of life and how you difine it.
Those who came to that life of which I live have left, have only took it for granted as they have of such many that treat it the same way as they treat reality. Most think my way is nothing but a dream. I believe that dream can turn into reality. Those who walk against it are those called a lost dream. A dream that was once so bright but was soon darkened by that person soon forgotten. Those are the nightmares that try to distroy our dreams from the inside.
Many have wanted to just abuse the life I live. The reason why is that they yern to have the life that was once lost to them. I soon learned many meanings of life itself. As time went by as ever, I soon found someone that searched for the same meaning. This person has such a kind heart. Caring even for those who have lost their dream. She is one of the very few who still stand believing in a dream and letting nothing stand in the way.
When she came into my life, a whole new meaning came in. I asked myself "What is this feeling? I cannot explain it...but it allows me to see something new. Something that has so many reasons to accept, understand, and embrace. Is this what love feels like?" I worried myself of the things I am not so perfect in. What if she didn't feel the same thing about me? Would it matter if I was different?
I told her everything about myself. More than I have ever told anyone in my life. Even the not so perfect ways of myself. In spite of things I am, she still showed a smile and liked who I am, what difines me, and what my life is like. She liked everything about me. I didn't know if she felt love or just feeling as what she always is. She was so kind, so gentle hearted, so caring and meant something more to me.
She shared that feeling and that life. She did not shun it or call it hard names. She embraced it for what it means to her as much as I have during my past life. She means so much that even I wondered... "Does she notice the same? Does she feel the same feeling I am having?" Her life came into mine. A dream that has become something more. She now has become the meaning of my happiness.
When I told her my true feelings, she felt speachless. She gave time and as that passed, we truely fell in love. I finally understood this feeling. She was that meaning of life. She was the missing thing that I was searching for. That one meaning I couldn't find nore understand before. She now became something more than a dream. She became a dream into a reality. She became more real to me than my own. She means so much to me more than anything I have ever known and understood in this life.
This woman is the meaning love, the meaning of ever lasting happiness, and the meaning of life that those do not notice and shun it forever. This woman of my life has a name that has a meaning to me and me only. It gives me the reason to live and love her and the life she embraces as I.
I love you . More than anything than any life that has come before me, more than any other meanings of life and what it difines. Your beauty is so bright. Your love is so warm. Your eyes have such a beautiful color. Your smile always brings a smile to my face. Your words are more wise and so beautiful than mine. Your heart is kind and gentle.
What I would give to be with you this very moment. So far apart we are, I still feel so very close to you more than anyone I have ever felt close to. You mean so much to me. I'll always love you forever. I love you with all my every being, my heart, my soul, and my life that I now understand.
I look at myself and see so many beautiful things in my life. What I have been through in my past till now is all answered to me. I stand here now, living for the one person that entered my life. That has shown me so much and has so much love for me. I will always keep that love with me forever, I will always embrace the love you have given me, and I will always love you forever .
You are the only one I will spend the rest of my life with. Your the reason and meaning of my life that I truely see. So when I look back at the same question I asked myself. "What am I feeling? What has become of me?" The answer is simple.....Love is what became of me.



~Me

Love the way YOU love ME.....


I love the way I can talk to you And say what's on my mind I never have to look away Or keep a thing inside

Tears fill my eyes when you're not around
Or when you just don't care
But I know in my heart you will do what's right
For me, you will always dare

Material things will never matter
As long as I have you
You make every day that passes
So much easier to get through

My worries disappear when you're around
No thoughts of pain or doubt
I feel your love when you hold me close
And kiss me if I pout

I don't care what they are talking about
All I care for is you
I'll jump off a building to show you my love
If that's what I have to do

I love you for everything that you are
Not what you promise to be
I know you can't see why or how
You're the most important thing to me

A Suicide Note...


Dear Mum and Dad,
First of all you need to know that this is not your fault,
It's mine, for I locked my problem inside me like a vault,
Problems that I was never able to tell you,
Problems that I'm sick of dealing with.
I'm through.

I'm sick of pretending that everything's alright,
I'm sick of having all these emotional demons to fight.
I can't take my depressing life anymore,
I realize I felt this way too often before.
I now know I'm not needed in this place,
Just another stupid teen, just another ugly face.
I can tell I'm secretly hated by everyone I know,
Though, when I'm around, they don't let their hatred show.

My life has no purpose as I can clearly see,
No one needs me and everyone hates meI hate this world I live in,
I hate how I feel now.
I try so hard to be accepted, but I don't know how.
I hate my reputation.. a fat loser.. a slut
So I'm ending my life, my wrists I will cut.
I want you two to know, that I really do love you,
But I hate my life too much, this is the only thing to do.
Suicide's the perfect escape for my problems to go away,
I don't think anyone will miss me, anyway.
Maybe, somewhere there's someone who loves me
But I couldn't find them soon enough so now I must flee.
Maybe, my life's not that bad, maybe this is all in my head.
But it's too late to tell me that, by the time you find thid I'll be dead.

I'm sorry it has to end this way,
I'm sorry if you cry,
But I think this world will be better off,
If I die..Goodbye.

PS:I'm sorry I had all this depression to hide,If you want to see me, you'll find my body outside.