Death...Life

Only desiring one embrace:

Death

Only feel one desire:

Death

Only embrace one hope:

Death

So close and it calls, being a whisper away:

Death

breaking down to the point, where the one friend left is:

Death

Being so tired
fading into tiredness
all that can be felt is death
all that can be desired is death

no lover to warm away death's chill
instead the kiss to grace my lips will be chill

no passion to get blood red and hot
rather it's deaths veins of blue embalming

only death is there for me

some day i will kiss death
some day i will embrace death
some day i will give up and ...

I am so tired
then it happens
the contradiction
the ironic truth
hitting one extreme
to discover the other side

to dance a last dance
to embrace the ending

all require energy and life
I am too tired even for that
death can go elsewhere
it isn't time

maybe tommorow after sleeping
but then again the tireness
will have moved on with the dawn
so death will have to wait

one day i will joyfully
embrace my last companion
that date is in the future
living is in the here and now
and that is life everlasting
death's hold is never in the here and now
rather its always merely an event of
the future or past

ironic to find immortality within death itself
the secret, the truth, the path of immortality
is simply to live in the moment

the secret of children
when we feel we can never die
thats the difference of being an adult and a child
all simply being within the moment and not outside
the moment is eternity
the moment is life ever lasting
within the moment a smile can be found
to warm the blood back to pounding

At times a calling

Life

embrace the moments to find

Life

starting this moment
within this single poem

LIFE

...Dreams...

I walked along an empty road, but I was not alone. I could feel so many lives; each heartbeat, each breath and thought, from far beyond the parallel lines between which I traveled. The earthen road was lined with ferns, ancient things that had seen millennia more than I, and they were still and quiet. I wondered how it was that they lived, because there was no Sun in sight, nor was there a moon, nor stars. The universe was empty all around, but so teeming with life.
Someone walked ahead the whole way, and we never shared a word.
The mirror broke. I don’t know how, or why—it fell to dust in my palms, just suddenly. I was not sad, though. I let it all fall down to my feet, and it continued to fall, and fall, forever.
From the dust, galaxies gathered, reaching out their spiral arms and breathing anew. As they gathered strength, the light grew within them. It grew from the inside outward, attracting planets like moths to flame. I watched it all begin from dust.

I lived within an endless sea, and I was content. I spent my days and nights floating, aware of nothing, and always moving onward. I never once looked back. There was no time for that, with so short a life as mine. I had no body, no shape at all, but I saw the world. It was a good life.

He said that I couldn’t save them. I told him that he was right.
He still told me how I could. It was too late by that time, though, and I told him that as well. It’s usually too late, by the time that we find the solution to our problem. I don’t even know what the problem was, but I know that it was beyond even me.
I could have saved them, but I never would.

It was my best work yet. I couldn’t see it, but I knew that it was. I was the only one who thought so. No matter how many times I heard that there was nothing there, I was happy.
You should appreciate what you can’t see, I told them. It is the most important part of life.

It was so tempting to transgress the boundaries around me. If I did, though, the world below would tilt out of focus and tumble from sight to implode with a soft whimper.
I was trapped like a mouse within four walls, without a door; I had only one escape through which I could try to climb, but at the risk of destroying so many other lives. Could I be selfish, for once?

I continued to stand still on a single point, for fear of losing my most precious burden.

Shadows

shadows…

Shadows hide me in their welcoming arms. They let me see what’s beyond; beyond of what is seen. We take long walks at most nights, through the hissing winds of winter.Sometimes I feel something waning inside, waning for those old days, when I was like others…how I longed to be like them…how merciless they were…my rage got beyond limits after all that time…

It was me who called the darkness and sent it onto them.It was me who watched them pray for salvation.

But I closed my eyes, closed my ears, closed my heart and let them fall.

...Goodbye

I'm stading here, lost in the dark that permeates my numb veins, clouds my tired mind, soothes my heay, aching heart.

I see her,

talking with another,

looking happier than before, happier than when it was I she was laughing with.

I see her, turning her back on me, turning towards a larger group of people who love her. Maybe not more than I ever did.I see her, pointing at me accusing me, false accusations, hateful lies and hateful disguises. She's smiling now, happy seeing me... all alone again, lost, pushed away.

I see her, turning away with a little frown, cussing me out as she heads for her home, while I stand on the hot pavement, my feet cold. All because I got a date wrong.I see you laughing with all our friends, and I can't help but feel in deep awe and admiration, for everytime you show up, I want to grin and laugh, be just like you, be cheerful like you, to just be me.

But I can't.I see you smiling and laughing, and something cold seeps into my eyes and into the pit of my stomach. I grab my things and turn away before you can notice. You don't need me to hang on you.

You don't need my eyes to follow you wherever you go.

You don't need my hugs.

You don't need my help.

You don't need my support.

You don't need my presence to stand up tall.

You have so many others who are better.I'm nothing more than surplus baggage left to rot in some dark confindes at the airport. At least, that's how I feel. You may argue, but think about it- who makes everyone laugh and smile with little to no effort, and who sits and watches quietly from some isolated chair? Who has a beautiful grin and a happy voice, and who's quiet and emotional, a chicken and a wuss?

Who is so awesome they don't even realize how much it affects those in awe, and who stares blankly at the wall and hides from reailty in some book or song?I'm terrified of when you won't want me. Maybe you already do. I'm scared of being left alone whilst you stay knitted together through unique and punk ways. I'm cold at the thought of you turning away and growing up in so many differnt ways like the others while I'm degenerate and small, becoming nothing more than a broken CD on the side of the road.

But when It does occur,

I'll smile when you aren't looking, and even though my heart willl be breaking apart, unraveling at the seams, waterworks beginning to flow in great streams, I'll whisper as you walk into the sunshine.

"...goodbye... my friend..."

Storm

A storm, metaphorically and real, both overhead,
and while the storm of wind and rain is headed my way, a storm of feelings and words run rampant in my mind.
Sometimes i wonder if one storm could stop the other, or if the storms would combine and block out all thought, all light.

Maybe one storm would light the sky, flashes of lightning playing on the edges of the world, captivating all who could see, the other one might blow away all those captivated, no longer left to be fascinated with such a deadly, beautiful storm as this. Both make my head scream, clear thought but a distant wisp of air, roaring thunder now above and within, surging electricity splitting air, striking thoughts.

But both storms I will have to endure, taking shelter in what small secure places and thoughts i know to be real, something i can feel, and touch.

But I often find myself in doubt, of what is real, of what can truly be trusted. My shelter's my secrete thoughts and feelings turning to but more storm clouds gathering. Light is gone, cold and emptiness fill my body and spirits, and I've run out of places to hide, now, I have to face the storm, and I won't back down,
I may loose, and I may not recover, but the sky will be sunny again, even if i loose all traces of myself,
the world will be bright again,
and the storms will be forever forced to hide from me.

Fear

It's hard to see why people fear the night. The worst things happen, not in the shadows, but in the light. Because most people are arrogant, and selfish. Mainly because we distort our own fears, as well as other peoples. Some of the biggest fears, are the fears so widely abused.

I fear seeing planes, flying low in the sky. Seeing them physically makes me hurt, watching them take off and land and all parts in between. But during the nights, like tonight, I watched a plane cross the horizon. And I was happy. I enjoyed seeing it like I used to, when I was a kid. Because I knew that there would be no acts of terrorism.

Acts of terrorism are done in the face of the world, so that everyone will see that this is why. This is why the world is this way, and we hate it, so we are going to change it.
Those acts are not for themselves and there causes.

What ever it is that they support.

It is for the world. If it is big enough and bad enough, these people could end up with Barbara Walters, boosting what they did, instead of in a eight by twelve foot cell. Because maybe the punishment for some of the despicable things people do are not severe enough. Maybe the more horrible things that are done, the more publicized ones, should be more arduous.

Then with the punishments harder, only those with something mentally wrong with them would even subjugate themselves to theses penalties.

Please, anyone who reads this, don't think I'm saying don't change the world. I think that every person will change the world in some way great.

My goal in life is to inspire someone to save the world in there way. But the way in which they decide to change the world isn't exactly the best thing. That could be the exact opposite of what is needed. At the time these things could be perfect.

The Solution.

But then the Solution has repercussions. It could be that the Solution starts as and, at the core, stands for something great and good. But then temptation steps in and twists what should actually happen. So pretty much the whole point of this little spat, is that temptation is one evil son of a gun. Try to understand the core values of what you support.

That is the only way to actually save the world from what you are trying to save it from.